Gatherings

It's so weird that you can send out a 1000 words email or sms the whole night about something irrelevant, something more than the 2 letters magic word ok, some plans, some promises you made years ago, but, things just don't turn out the way you expected.

So there was this small gathering you and your friend planned, wanted to gather all the old classmates around when you are back, and have lots of catch up, lots of "eyy you don't change at all". Indeed, somethings never change, but you seem to lost the connection. That once upon a time very, very close kind of connected feeling. You don't know what to talk about, as if your life out there is so different, so boring, and you can't really understand them too. So you remembered the good old times and brought up some topic. But that sounded so small gas, so old lady dwelling at the past. Not to mention the very pathetic number of people attending the gathering. You and your friends were busy focusing at your own straws, looking at how the glass empty. You wouldn't dare to look at your watch, neither drink too fast, because somewhere deep inside your heart wanted you to stay longer. Maybe someone will come up with some topic by then, you thought. The only thing you guys can do is by teasing each other, and someone else would smile, lightly, as if a bigger smile or laugh would kill someone. Then when everyone finished their drinks, someone suggested to go home because everything has been said, weather, people around, the girl who got pregnant last year, the teacher who forget to zip his pants, and that your head is so big. You reached home, feeling complicated, and then texted the person who treated you. Then he said, let me know when you are coming back again. So formal, so polite, so not right. Though I still appreciate that effort a lot. I mean A lot.

If you know you are leaving some day, or they are leaving, or someone dying, then will you spend more time with them and have more things to talk about? Is this how things are going to be like if you are not around each other for a long period of time?

I am not afraid of the silence. I just think sometimes we don't have to be hurry and take out all the drawers in our minds just because of the silence. But, yesterday night I thought, it was so uneasy. So quiet.

Is it me getting lazy and being boring? I wish I'm not.

Tell you a secret. I stepped on something this afternoon and my left foot sole was extremely in pain. Then I saw my blood oozed out, more and more when I moved my foot.

Now the secret is I actually don't feel like making it stop. I just feel a more than a little excited when I see those red patches.

I know it's not a lot, but I will never make it stop or wipe the floor if I haven't take a picture of it yet. You know you don't always bleed so much. And this is not the first time ;)

Sigh, weirdo.