Tracking Footsteps of the Heart

i have this weird habit where i give myself a lot of private moments. just myself fullstop. especially after too much outings, spending, eating, exposure, stress, distractions. a little gateaway from the usually unusual rules i would follow, away from companies, away from the familiar and unfamiliar zones.

second chance doesn't come to me very often. i won't forgive myself if i didn't go for noc this morning when they called. so yep, *tada* today was my first day, first time working. i think it's about time, after 20 years of carefree. i am someone who pretty much needed some 'push' and that 'push' can be from myself. i am never good at public speaking, connections with people, learning and remembering, google maping et cetera. but i have this super power in which i like to see myself achieving something. perhaps i just want to prove to myself that i can do that something too. it's like medicine- that i can do it because i want to. i hope i am not wrong.

i had to take a bus to city centre then a luas to the hospital. looking out from the moving bus in a familiar city makes every beauty stays closer to heart than a new city with familiar beauties but touches my heart. the stops have funny names. i thought i could drop by another time when it stopped at museum. i thought of hamster and our very first site visit when it stopped at st james. i thought of going to guiness by luas when it stopped at heuston. i smiled when it stopped at black horse, golden bridge, red cow, blue bell. and finally, i was at tallaght.

it was a small ward with 6 patients and i was in charge of a schizophrenic patient. i didn't have to do much during that 9 hours so i skipped dinner break and stayed in the ward. the man in bed 6 is an aphasic patient with renal and respi problems. his son and daughter-in-law came in the afternoon. they helped him shave and put lip balms on his very thin lips. their conversations weren't that much because they were all repeats. have you eaten? X4. do you want me to take off your jacket? X6 are you feeling cold? your hands are cold. X5 man united is beaten by leeds X5. the man in bed 5 is a leeds united fan. his wife had 2 scones for lunch and a cup of coffee. the man in bed 4 worked in a telephone company for almost 40 years and thinks that it's not fair that malaysia doesn't have 4 seasons. the man in bed 3 is my patient. he has a catheter on but he keeps wanting to pee, eats alot and wrote my name on his hand. he has 3 very very tall brothers and the one who visited him in the afternoon winked at me twice. the man in bed 2 didn't talk much to me but he spoke a lot when his family and friends came over. the man in bed 1 looks like a navy. he is the only one without any visitors. he had mash potatos and lamb and icecream for lunch.

a third chance landed on me again after falling on the very hard iced ground. i'm going to work for a 12 hour shift tomorrow in bray. i think i can be qualify as a nurse/carer on-call already.

**......................................................**

#1-the winter is very white this year-

#2-countdown at abe's house-

#3

#4

#5 -jh looks like a korean here-

#6- eugene is still 1cm taller than me :(-

#7

#8-ellis' popiah *slurrrp*-

#9- fi and i went over to ellis' place for chee hon's birthday dinner-

#10-baby rania and me-

#11-ellis and chee hon-

#12-stacko-

#13

#14-fi and baby rania-

#15-fi and baby imran-

my new year resolution is not really about being ladylike. i am always seeing happy things because i am lucky. everything seems so achievable, so impossible to be impossible. and today i realised that the world is not always round for everyone. so my new year resolution is still try to be there for it to be at its perfect shape.

p.s: i am still not treating everyone equally, which i don't think it's possible and necessary anyways. only best friends and quiet children and old people can soothe my soul. and nice adults. *evil*

p.p.s: i want to read comments jlyy, clh, hjy, blpy anyone! -____________-