Reduced Buoyancy

i am not thinking about it anymore. it feels like the spot light is on me, dancing in a very rundown 80 centuries hotel ballroom. i follow my shadow and it follows me. then we make circles over and over again. out of a sudden someone would ask me, do you feel any pain anywhere? i choke. not being able to describe for i have it all over the body, radiating from the left side of my chest.

i smell coke from my room since 30 minutes ago, am i hallucinating? i feel that no one has given me the time and yet everyone wants me to give them the time they wanted. it is like having someone staring at you as you walk pass and never stop because you are late for second period and all she could do is to follow the bits of your back before you disappear from the sight, turning into the next lecture theater. i thought i am balance on the see-saw of people from all sides but the truth is i'm already feeling the missing pieces. the thickness of the pages i need to study, the correct attitude i should possess, and the social outings that i must mere my presence. the spot light is still on me and the crowd is waiting to see if i would trip over the see-saw. first-timer is not a good excuse to fail things.

nobody seems to realise that i am not the only one who is running out of time. i have no time to be sad or angry or sleepy or hungry or confused. it is an urge to hold onto someone who is promising but a withheld instead because of the independence i am trying to yearn.