the alibi of an absent minded

i've been writing about what i've been doing. in which is not really how i want my blog to be and probably not the reason you liked to read my blog. i've been thinking a lot too but i am not so sure if any of you wants to listen. you know some words are just not meant to be spoken. like, it's just a thought. and i'm not sure if i should miss those old thinking. there was a saying, 三岁定八十. direct translation: you are what you were at 3 years old( not that yoga 林宥嘉 song- you are what you eat.. eeeee) meaning your character is determined when your mind developed at 3y/o. i do think this is quite true unless something happens or changes. i was shy, like to eat candies, always looking for excuses to not study, obedient in a way, adventurous, funny, funny-looking and then i became rebelious and so skinny, anti-social, carefree, dependent, and perhaps cunning and annoying when i was a teen. i think my brain only found that missing piece last year when i finally realised what does it mean by "you don't have to win all the time". which makes me a person i myself couldn't really describe.

i read this quote on answer.com before i went to the artfair at rds with bernice. and i'm glad that this answer came to me.

"People discuss my art and pretend to understand as if it were necessary to understand, when it's simply necessary to love." - Claude Monet ( the founder and central figure of the 19th century art movement known as Impressionism)

at spontaneous timings, my body cells become active when it comes to artsy craftsy things, sometimes musical, sometimes modernisation, sometimes technology, sometimes history, sometimes fairytales, sometimes logical thinking, sometimes architecture, sometimes sports, sometimes animals and marine lives and insects, sometimes languages, quite a wide range of movies, songs, people, connections. and so, sometimes you see me at the museum, sometimes reading books about world war II, sometimes about religion, sometimes at the cinema or musical concert, orchestra, sometimes at a mexican restaurant, sometimes watching/reading about fashion sense. i'm not sure where did all these feelings come from, but even though they are not perfectly what i want myself to do/be with every single day, they still keep me excited, a lot more than being able to go into the anatomy room. not to forget about thoughts, i think i have a heart, bigger than an average one. i give and give in. i do not get angry at what i know is just a stupid joke. but if this joke persists for a long period of time, or if i find that person just simply has an annoying face, or ok i have mood swings too, my heart, just shrinks a lot at these times. and let hatred gain its way.

i think all these come to one thing: self-contradiction.

i don't think big of getting huge suprises, i prefer many little suprises like receiving random presents. emm lets give an example: it's ok if my bf doesn't give me diamonds and LV bags but i would be adored if he gives me a cupcake, a small note, a bar of chocolate, a kiss on the cheek when i'm asleep, a book, sing/plays the piano/violin to me, a movie ticket, a doodle in my to-do-list note book etc. it doesn't have to be an everyday thing, or when he wants to make up after the cold wars. [i hope there won't be too much of this :(:(]




a quick, boring note: watched an anime called the girl who leapt through time, went to the ucd wedding singer stage musical, artfair, went to watch 2012 out of the blue, having japanese listening test next tuesday, having dinner with the japanese exchange students next week.

p.s: ooh ya, please don't think that i'm hinting or feel obliged by what i said. i just love to know how i think.




i don'' think i know what the artist tries to interpret most of the time, but i just love looking at the drawings. like you don't understand what i'm thinking, but why can't you just love me?

p.s.2: my eyes are half-opened now and i'm not sure if i've said what i wanted to share or said what i don't mean to share, so you can choose to think of this as a dream too :):):) ooh ya, and the world, pleasee.... don't come to an end in 2012.

zZz~~~~