ding dong bell and a little kid.

today, tim said because you are a little kid. then, i've been spending the whole evening thinking where does the cutely blue sky go?


it's not that i love to take in those words too seriously, or think that i myself is not good enough, but the way he said it makes my heart shutters. so that's what everyone thinks about me? and that's why nobody wants me? ooh now i know why..

i almost wanted to write this post in chinese so stupid tim ;p and more other people wouldn't know what am i trying to say here, but well, i can't find the gamdong-ness in my chinese essay anymore. and cheh, being childish is not my style kay?

when i was 11 in standard 6, the sports teacher thought i am not big and fast enough, so they drop me out from the school team. when i was 13, the boys in my class used to tease me childish. i didn't understand why wouldn't the same thing happen to the other girls who are one year older than me. of course i was sad but still, i fought back and said what else do you want me to be when i'm just 13? but now that i am already 19, i don't think i can fight back and say i am just 19, can i?

it has always been one of the many comments that people gave on me. little kid. sounds young. sounds good. well, i have to say that girls are the most self-contradictive creature in the whole universe. unless the martians are worse luh. i hate it when you call me skinny. and hate you more if you call me fatty. pp used to wish me to be more mature every year, on my birthday. and mm used to ask me to carry some burden for the family since i should be mature enough by now. my sister always get the most work/responsibility because of that since i am always known to be not mature enough to handle things. thus, complains and more complains. my brothers shake their heads when they try to imagine what kind of doctor will i be, in the near future. friends, keeping things away from me sometimes, thinking i am not big enough to have know about it. so when i came here i thought, okay, now i am finally at the same level as anyone else. but no, i was wrong.

i was very wrong about it but i wasn't actually angry. i was never really angry because i know, everyone meant good, except during a few occasions. in fact, i am quite proud to be the youngest, as always. but, i like feeling big. i like being the big tree people come to weep under, or the leader of a new adventure. that's why i like joining my small cousins more than joining the big cousins at family parties. and yah, i was wrong again. my small cousins never really thought of me being a big jie jie because big jie jie-s don't usually play with them. and then the aunty uncle ah ma ah gong still, thought of me as a kid.

because i am 19, so i am not mature enough. and because i know, i am super manja, so i am not mature enough. because i really am a kid, so i am still not mature enough. because i like to eat ice-creams and go to playgrounds, so i am always, not mature enough.

a guy that liked me gave me a small note. and i think something like this was written: don't be afraid to touch your big dream, with what the others do is to belittle you. wow, this is a really good way to go after a girl and makes her remember you forever. and wow, so that means i shouldn't change myself and wanting to be at the same level, or grow up even faster because, one day, there will still be someone that likes to be with a kid. oh well, lets take my steps slow and easy so that 50 years later, i am still the me, young in heart ;) cool~~~~

ok, the second last sentence is actually what tim said too when i boh song him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...











not funny.
hmmph nevermind, i heart myself <3